Glastonbury Festival – Review

02 Jul

As you may have noticed from the media frenzy around the event, it was indeed Glastonbury Festival for Contemporary and Performing Arts last weekend. Not surprisingly then that crumble, like the rest of the world’s media, were there to capture the best of the action. Rather than writing a long winded review of everything that happened, right down to when Michael Eavis took his first shit of each morning (you can go to the BBC for that kind of high end journalism) we have instead distilled the essence of this years festival into an easily consumable 11 best bits.

11. Mud – Many predicted a quagmire of First World War proportions. They were correct. One of my friends paid £400 for her and her boyfriends tickets, took one look at the mud and went back to London. That said most of us British are stoic bastards if nothing else, and just as in Flanders, most of us battled on.

10. King Blues – Not massively keen on their ska punk stylings or their ”we hate the Daily Mail for some reason” half baked left wing political views, but boy do they have energy. Oh, and the bassist is really hot. It’s a girl, for those questioning my sexual preference.

9. Tame Impala – The Ozzie boys were superb. A far better band to have on before the special guest than B.A.D. (Big Audio Dynamite), who were… well you can see where this is going. Just a shame they didn’t do their Midnight Juggernauts cover.

8. Cider – It’s Somerset, you have to drink cider. It’s like a bylaw or something.

7. Crystal Castles – First time I’ve seen them live and they were great. Alice surely setting a record for most drunken stage dives within thirty minutes, and with a broken foot! They would be higher but considering they only did half an hour because Alice was off her tits, they lost points.


6. Food Options – It’s been a while since I’ve been to a festival, but fuck me the food has improved. My overpriced, overcooked burger came with lettuce on it. Needless to say I threw said lettuce straight on the floor. And only twelve more payments on the personal loan I had to take out to afford it, cash back!

5. Caribou – They were fantastic. Shame my bastard friends made me miss most of their set. Cunts.

4. TV on the Radio – Very impressive, especially considering they were on the Other stage and most people didn’t have a fucking clue who they were. To quote one of my Essex friends, after they finished on the Ghostbusters theme tune: ”did they do the original?”. ”No. They didn’t”.

3. Chemical Brothers – Finally got to see them. They were awesome.

2. East Venues – Absolutely fucking amazing. A live interactive film set where you’re the extras with a cast of over 1,500 actors to interact with. Fucking crazy. Plus loads of quality DJs playing the best dance music around, a metal spider that shoots fire and Thom Yorke DJing dubstep in the fuselage of a crashed plane come tequila bar. A festival all on it’s own.


1. Special Guests on the Park Stage – After laying out the cash to go this year, I was particularly disappointed to find that the headliners were shit. (Seriously, Coldplay?) So having the opportunity to see two of the bands I actually wanted to see headline was a touch of luck. If only the Stone Roses had reformed and played on the Sunday I probably could have shot myself in the face and died a happy man. Oh how we’ve all missed out!

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Posted by on July 2, 2011 in Uncategorized


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